Archive for the ‘family’ Category

How to Apologize

Posted: November 28, 2011 in Christianity, family
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Nobody likes to admit they’ve messed up, but let’s face it, sooner or later it’s gonna happen. Learning how to apologize the right way is vital if you hope to preserve your relationship(s) over the long haul.

An effective apology contains FOUR ELEMENTS:

1. A statement of REMORSE. This tells the other person you feel bad about what’s happened and it usually takes the form of, “I’m sorry…”

2. A statement of personal RESPONSIBILITY. Never follow “I’m sorry” with “but.” That’s not an apology — that’s an excuse. If you are sincere then you need to take responsibility for whatever has happened. Own it & confess it: “I’m sorry that I _______…” Don’t pass the buck; don’t try to justify it; just acknowledge that you messed up and confess what you did wrong.

3. A statement of REPENTANCE. It’s not good enough to feel bad for something you’ve done if you haven’t learned from it. If faced with a similar situation in the future, what will you do differently? This conveys that you’re serious, you’ve given it some thought, and you’re not just trying to get out of the doghouse. “I’m sorry that I [did this terrible thing]. Next time I’ll [do this instead of that]…”

4. A statement of RESTORATION. The whole point of an apology is to bring healing to your relationship. As the “debtor” in the situation, restoration isn’t yours to grant — you have to request it. I suggest you ask nicely. The most common approach is, “Please forgive me.” Hopefully this will do the trick, but depending on the nature of your offense you may have to endure purgatory for a while. If so, take your medicine like a man; stay humble; remember that restoration is a process.

That’s my formula for an effective apology, but maybe I’m missing something. In your experience, what makes for a good apology? What makes an apology seem insincere?

re-POST: Happy BirthWEEK to My Beautiful Wife

Posted: September 20, 2011 in family, life, love, Marriage
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[Note: This is a re-post from last year, but just in case you missed it the first time around...]


Every family has traditions.

Some traditions are inherited from previous generations and some are purely accidental. Some traditions were carried with you from your childhood and some were created because of your children.

My favorite kind of traditions are the kind we create on purpose; traditions that communicate in symbolic ways the significance of a person or event.

In my family, my wife, Dawn, gets a birthWEEK — instead of a birthDAY — and it’s become my favorite week of the year! It’s my opportunity to pour out my love and appreciation for her for seven days straight.

You may ask, “Shouldn’t you do that all year?”

Yes, I should, and I do.

But during Dawn’s birthWEEK I pull out all the stops.

I get intentional. I plan and I prepare. I do research and pay special attention to otherwise passing comments in the months prior to her big week. I notice the things she notices. I write ideas down so I won’t forget. I stash small increments of cash away for several weeks so (a) it’s not missed in the budget, and (b) I can buy stuff without her knowing (which is very hard to do since Dawn is an accounting expert and actively manages our bank accounts).

I also collaborate with her friends and/or family when I want to pull something off that I can’t do alone.

Like this:


It’s not about buying a bunch of stuff, so Dawn’s birthWEEK doesn’t really cost much more than a birthDAY. Remember, a good tradition is about communicating “in symbolic ways the significance of a person or event.”

Dawn is the most significant person in my life and this happens to be her 40th birthWEEK, so here’s a rundown…

  • Sunday, September 19 – Birthday card & digital camera (hopefully this one won’t get stolen or lost).
  • Monday, September 20 – Birthday card & iTunes gift card (selfish bonus: every song she downloads will remind her of me).
  • Tuesday, September 21 (her actual birthDAY) – Birthday card & videos from out-of-town family/friends (took a lot of time & effort but cost $0.00).
  • Wednesday, September 22 – Birthday card & bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (her favorite – plus they were on sale!).
  • Thursday, September 23 – Birthday card & the KitchenAid Stand Mixer she’s been coveting for the past 15 years (the red one!).
  • Friday, September 24 – Birthday card & the video at the top of this post (I’ve been collecting “I Love You” pics since mid-July). We took a vacation day to spend today together (please do not call or look for us…we will ignore you if you do). Exception: we will be at the tailgate party and NHS football game tonight if you’d like to present Dawn with a card or gift of your own! Ha!
  • Saturday, September 25 – CLASSIFIED. That’s tomorrow so I’m keeping it under wraps (use your imagination — but make sure you imagine something awesome!).

Well…that’s it for this year! Time to start thinking about her next birthWEEK. I’d better get crackin’ — it’s only 51-weeks away!

Does your family have any unique traditions?

[2011 UPDATE: Yes, this is Dawn's birthWEEK and tomorrow is Dawn's birthDAY. I know you're probably wondering what I did this year to celebrate the pure awesomeness of Dawn. I'll tell you ... in my next post.]

why roMANce matters

Posted: August 10, 2011 in family, life, love, Marriage
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Aside from the obvious marital benefits that come from keeping romance alive, there is another important thing to consider: YOUR KIDS ARE WATCHING.

Whether you intend to or not, you are teaching your children what marriage is supposed to look like. You daughter is learning how to be a wife and what to look for in a husband based on the example you set. Your son is learning how to be a husband and how to treat his future wife based on the example you set.

Fellas…

If your future Son-in-Law treats your daughter the same way you treat your wife, are you OK with that?

Ladies…

Will your future Daughter-in-Law thank you or resent you?

Sooner or later every couple has that awkward moment when one of the kids wanders into the bedroom and sees something you wish they hadn’t seen. Don’t worry, they’ll recover (with a little therapy and some ice cream). You should be much more concerned with the things your kids see when you’re not behind closed doors. Like it or not, you are building the framework for their future marriages.

The Whole Enchilada

Posted: June 25, 2011 in Bible, faith, family, life
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I know you don’t have time to watch an entire sermon in a single sitting, so I chopped this one into smaller pieces. To make it simple, here’s the whole enchilada (all four parts) for you to chew on at your own pace. Just click the links to watch the videos. Enjoy! ~Kraig

Part 1 (the part about ME) – In this introductory segment, I share some of my favorite memories and explain the importance of memories in the big picture of my marriage and life — especially during tough times.

Part 2 (the part about all of US) – Unfortunately, crisis is universal, unavoidable and inevitable in every life, marriage, family and close relationship. Watch this segment to learn what’s at stake when you experience a crisis of faith.

Part 3 (the part about GOD) – Watch this segment to see how God prepared Joshua & the Israelites for times of crisis. Their example serves as a biblical model for us today.

Part 4 (the part about YOU) – This is my favorite part! In this segment you’ll learn 3 specific things you can do to prevent a CRISIS of faith from becoming a LOSS of faith.

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