Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Must Love Dogs

Posted: November 20, 2011 in Marriage
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“Must Love Dogs”?

Really??

What if you don’t?

If you don’t love dogs, the appropriate response to a statement like that depends on the nature of your relationship.

If you are single, and see it posted on someone’s eHarmony profile – please do yourself (& the other person) a favor and look elsewhere. DO NOT PASS GO. Pretending to love dogs just to get a date is sad & pathetic.

If you’re dating and later discover you “must love dogs,” then you’ve got options. You can (1) confess and hope he/she loves you more than dogs; (2) try to negotiate a compromise; or (3) visit a pet store and see how it goes. Who knows, maybe you just need to give love a chance?

If you’re married, buy a dog and love it. It’s that simple.

[Note: This principle may be applied to any scenario - not just dogs.]

roMANce vs. INtimacy

Posted: September 22, 2011 in love, Marriage
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Do you know the difference between romance and intimacy?

Though these concepts are complementary, they are not the same. If you hope to keep the fire burning in a long-term relationship, you need to know what they are, what they do and when they are appropriate.

I’ve already written about romance so I won’t go into any detail here, but one of the keys to romance is its visibility.

When you are being romantic you are putting your love on display for the world to see. It’s like standing on a mountaintop and shouting to the world, “I am in love with this person!” The benefit of romance is twofold: (1) the special someone in your life knows they’re loved, and (2) the rest of the world knows you are in an exclusive relationship.

It’s the exclusivity of the relationship that makes intimacy possible.

Intimacy happens the moment we are invited into the exclusive VIP room of another person’s life. Intimacy always follows the statement, “I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone before.” These are risky words of deep trust and vulnerability. The exclusivity of personal information creates the conditions of intimacy. That intimacy is preserved in that relationship as long as the information remains exclusive. The moment it is available to anyone and everyone is the moment intimacy begins to evaporate. -S. Hipps, Flickering Pixels (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2009), 113.

You see, whereas romance is public — intimacy is private. Romance is broadcast to the world; intimacy is hidden from the world.

Intimacy is much more than sex – it is created by any exclusive activity, event or information privately shared between two people in a relationship.

In fact, sex is intimate only because it’s something private that’s exclusively shared between two people. If you video tape yourself having sex and post it online, I assure you (among 1000 other things) intimacy is lost.

The same principle holds true of things that don’t take place in the bedroom. INtimacy is INsider INformation – once it’s declassified (shared with the world), it’s no longer intimate (even if it is romantic).

In other words, if you want a romantic getaway — feel free to post pictures and status updates on Facebook. But if you want an intimate getaway — then the world can never know the details. In that way, intimacy creates a special bond between two people; it’s like the Super Glue of relationships.

Which brings me to my promised update on this year’s celebration of Dawn’s birthWEEK…

Last year, I went the roMANtic route (thus the blog posts and shared details); this year I’ve decided to go the INtimate route. In a couple of weeks I’m going to take my bride out of town and give her the best vacation of her life. (Scheduling conflicts made this week an impossibility, so our festivities are briefly delayed.)

Since INtimacy is my goal, I’m not going to share details with the world. In fact, I’m not even going to tell Dawn where we’re going until we get to the airport!

Upon our return, I’m not going to blog about it. We’re not going to post pictures on Facebook. And we’re not going to tell you about it when you ask. Sorry, you’ll just have to use your imagination.

Remember: INtimacy is INsider INformation.

My friends, romance and intimacy are both critical for your relationships, but they are not the same thing. Each has a specific role to play and one should complement the other.

So… if roMANtic is what you’re shooting for — bring a video camera and find a WiFi hot spot (no sex videos, please). But if you’re wanting to create INtimacy, don’t undermine the exclusivity of your relationship by sharing INsider INformation with OUTsiders (even if they are your friends).

I love you all; but I love Dawn more. ~Kraig

re-POST: Happy BirthWEEK to My Beautiful Wife

Posted: September 20, 2011 in family, life, love, Marriage
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[Note: This is a re-post from last year, but just in case you missed it the first time around...]


Every family has traditions.

Some traditions are inherited from previous generations and some are purely accidental. Some traditions were carried with you from your childhood and some were created because of your children.

My favorite kind of traditions are the kind we create on purpose; traditions that communicate in symbolic ways the significance of a person or event.

In my family, my wife, Dawn, gets a birthWEEK — instead of a birthDAY — and it’s become my favorite week of the year! It’s my opportunity to pour out my love and appreciation for her for seven days straight.

You may ask, “Shouldn’t you do that all year?”

Yes, I should, and I do.

But during Dawn’s birthWEEK I pull out all the stops.

I get intentional. I plan and I prepare. I do research and pay special attention to otherwise passing comments in the months prior to her big week. I notice the things she notices. I write ideas down so I won’t forget. I stash small increments of cash away for several weeks so (a) it’s not missed in the budget, and (b) I can buy stuff without her knowing (which is very hard to do since Dawn is an accounting expert and actively manages our bank accounts).

I also collaborate with her friends and/or family when I want to pull something off that I can’t do alone.

Like this:


It’s not about buying a bunch of stuff, so Dawn’s birthWEEK doesn’t really cost much more than a birthDAY. Remember, a good tradition is about communicating “in symbolic ways the significance of a person or event.”

Dawn is the most significant person in my life and this happens to be her 40th birthWEEK, so here’s a rundown…

  • Sunday, September 19 – Birthday card & digital camera (hopefully this one won’t get stolen or lost).
  • Monday, September 20 – Birthday card & iTunes gift card (selfish bonus: every song she downloads will remind her of me).
  • Tuesday, September 21 (her actual birthDAY) – Birthday card & videos from out-of-town family/friends (took a lot of time & effort but cost $0.00).
  • Wednesday, September 22 – Birthday card & bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (her favorite – plus they were on sale!).
  • Thursday, September 23 – Birthday card & the KitchenAid Stand Mixer she’s been coveting for the past 15 years (the red one!).
  • Friday, September 24 – Birthday card & the video at the top of this post (I’ve been collecting “I Love You” pics since mid-July). We took a vacation day to spend today together (please do not call or look for us…we will ignore you if you do). Exception: we will be at the tailgate party and NHS football game tonight if you’d like to present Dawn with a card or gift of your own! Ha!
  • Saturday, September 25 – CLASSIFIED. That’s tomorrow so I’m keeping it under wraps (use your imagination — but make sure you imagine something awesome!).

Well…that’s it for this year! Time to start thinking about her next birthWEEK. I’d better get crackin’ — it’s only 51-weeks away!

Does your family have any unique traditions?

[2011 UPDATE: Yes, this is Dawn's birthWEEK and tomorrow is Dawn's birthDAY. I know you're probably wondering what I did this year to celebrate the pure awesomeness of Dawn. I'll tell you ... in my next post.]

Being Clark Kent

Posted: August 22, 2011 in love, Marriage
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Every man wants to be Superman.

Why?

Because being Clark Kent sucks.

Someone might object that Clark Kent and Superman are the same person.

I say, try telling that to Lois Lane.

To Lois, Clark Kent is a nerdy guy that she barely even notices.

Superman, on the other hand, takes her breath away. Her eyes light up when he arrives on the scene, and when he kisses her … she melts. Lois constantly raves about how amazing Superman is and she’ll drop anything just to be with him.

Poor Clark.

He is [literally] everything that Superman is — but she never sees it.

Ladies, you know I harass the fellas a lot on your behalf, but this time I want to remind you that your husband is Superman — or at least he has the potential to be a super man. Even if he won’t admit it, he wants to feel like he’s a superhero in your eyes. He wants you to think he’s “faster than a speeding locomotive and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.”

Here’s the secret: YOU are the source of his power. If you want a super man, start directing your affection and attention toward that nerdy guy in the square glasses. You may be surprised to discover a giant ‘S’ on his chest and realize you’re in love with a man of steel (let’s just hope he’s not sporting any spandex).

It’s your call, but I assure you every man wants to be Superman … because being Clark Kent sucks.

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