Close, intimate, romantic relationships are very difficult to maintain over a long period of time. Based on personal experience, I reveal “some stuff I know” that can help YOUR relationship succeed…
Posts Tagged ‘romance’
#someSTUFFiknow (about relationships)
Posted: September 5, 2012 in loveTags: intimacy, love, Marriage, relationships, romance
roMANce vs. INtimacy
Posted: September 22, 2011 in love, MarriageTags: exclusivity, facebook, Interpersonal relationship, intimacy, Intimate relationship, Marriage, Relationship, romance, sex
Do you know the difference between romance and intimacy?
Though these concepts are complementary, they are not the same. If you hope to keep the fire burning in a long-term relationship, you need to know what they are, what they do and when they are appropriate.
I’ve already written about romance so I won’t go into any detail here, but one of the keys to romance is its visibility.
When you are being romantic you are putting your love on display for the world to see. It’s like standing on a mountaintop and shouting to the world, “I am in love with this person!” The benefit of romance is twofold: (1) the special someone in your life knows they’re loved, and (2) the rest of the world knows you are in an exclusive relationship.
It’s the exclusivity of the relationship that makes intimacy possible.
Intimacy happens the moment we are invited into the exclusive VIP room of another person’s life. Intimacy always follows the statement, “I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone before.” These are risky words of deep trust and vulnerability. The exclusivity of personal information creates the conditions of intimacy. That intimacy is preserved in that relationship as long as the information remains exclusive. The moment it is available to anyone and everyone is the moment intimacy begins to evaporate. -S. Hipps, Flickering Pixels (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2009), 113.
You see, whereas romance is public — intimacy is private. Romance is broadcast to the world; intimacy is hidden from the world.
Intimacy is much more than sex – it is created by any exclusive activity, event or information privately shared between two people in a relationship.
In fact, sex is intimate only because it’s something private that’s exclusively shared between two people. If you video tape yourself having sex and post it online, I assure you (among 1000 other things) intimacy is lost.
The same principle holds true of things that don’t take place in the bedroom. INtimacy is INsider INformation – once it’s declassified (shared with the world), it’s no longer intimate (even if it is romantic).
In other words, if you want a romantic getaway — feel free to post pictures and status updates on Facebook. But if you want an intimate getaway — then the world can never know the details. In that way, intimacy creates a special bond between two people; it’s like the Super Glue of relationships.
Which brings me to my promised update on this year’s celebration of Dawn’s birthWEEK…
Last year, I went the roMANtic route (thus the blog posts and shared details); this year I’ve decided to go the INtimate route. In a couple of weeks I’m going to take my bride out of town and give her the best vacation of her life. (Scheduling conflicts made this week an impossibility, so our festivities are briefly delayed.)
Since INtimacy is my goal, I’m not going to share details with the world. In fact, I’m not even going to tell Dawn where we’re going until we get to the airport!
Upon our return, I’m not going to blog about it. We’re not going to post pictures on Facebook. And we’re not going to tell you about it when you ask. Sorry, you’ll just have to use your imagination.
Remember: INtimacy is INsider INformation.
My friends, romance and intimacy are both critical for your relationships, but they are not the same thing. Each has a specific role to play and one should complement the other.
So… if roMANtic is what you’re shooting for — bring a video camera and find a WiFi hot spot (no sex videos, please). But if you’re wanting to create INtimacy, don’t undermine the exclusivity of your relationship by sharing INsider INformation with OUTsiders (even if they are your friends).
I love you all; but I love Dawn more. ~Kraig
why roMANce matters
Posted: August 10, 2011 in family, life, love, MarriageTags: children, Courtney Krempa, Dawn Krempa, Father, Husband, Kaden Krempa, Kraig Krempa, Marriage, Mother, Parenting, relationships, romance, wife
Aside from the obvious marital benefits that come from keeping romance alive, there is another important thing to consider: YOUR KIDS ARE WATCHING.
Whether you intend to or not, you are teaching your children what marriage is supposed to look like. You daughter is learning how to be a wife and what to look for in a husband based on the example you set. Your son is learning how to be a husband and how to treat his future wife based on the example you set.
Fellas…
If your future Son-in-Law treats your daughter the same way you treat your wife, are you OK with that?
Ladies…
Will your future Daughter-in-Law thank you or resent you?
Sooner or later every couple has that awkward moment when one of the kids wanders into the bedroom and sees something you wish they hadn’t seen. Don’t worry, they’ll recover (with a little therapy and some ice cream). You should be much more concerned with the things your kids see when you’re not behind closed doors. Like it or not, you are building the framework for their future marriages.
roMANce 101
Posted: August 9, 2011 in love, MarriageTags: Dawn Krempa, Husband, Kraig Krempa, love, Marriage, relationships, romance, Romantic Love, wife
Dawn & I catch a lot of flak from people because we’re not shy about expressing our love for each other. Earlier today I posted a little something on Dawn’s Facebook page that stirred the masses and got me thinking. This post is the result.
There aren’t many things I’ll admit to being good at, but I can guarantee you that there is not another man on the earth who can love Dawn Krempa as much as I do, or better than I do.
It’s not possible.
I decided a long time ago that my wife will never look at another man and wish I was more like him. I spent the past 20 years refining my skills and learning what makes Dawn feel loved. I’ve worked at it. I’ve trained. I’ve tweaked my approaches and thrown others out altogether. I’ve studied her. I’ve solicited feedback. I’ve done things other people think are extreme or ridiculous (but that’s because other people don’t know her like I do).
If you think you can steal her from me – I dare you to try. [But make sure your ego can handle rejection, Chump, because your efforts are in vain and you're going to look foolish in the end.]
If there’s a “Dawn Krempa Expert” on this planet … it’s ME.
Mind you, I’ve still got a lot to learn! Loving another person is a very complex process, after all. What worked 10 years ago (or 10 months ago!) may not work today because things have changed.
Life insists on change.
I can NEVER assume that I’ve perfected it & I can NEVER assume I’ve said or done enough already. I can NEVER assume it’s time to coast through the rest of our marriage. That’s a formula for disaster!
If that’s where you’re at right now, you need my help. Here are a few things you’ll need to know to get you started:
1. YOU sir are the ONLY LEGITIMATE SOURCE of romantic love for your wife. If you won’t supply it, then some other joker will. It’s not cool or manly to neglect your wife – they call it roMANce for a reason. You need to be in the center of the action. [Hint: If your wife is hooked on romance novels, that's what we call a "clue."] Get it?
2. If it’s PRACTICAL — it isn’t romantic. Yes, your wife has been wanting a new vacuum cleaner for months, but no matter how pretty the wrapping paper is, I promise you it isn’t romantic. Other non-romantic gift ideas include: a gym membership (don’t even think about it!), any electronic gadget that you intend to commandeer each evening, or season tickets to your favorite sporting event (except in rare circumstances when it happens to be her favorite, too).
3. If it’s PREDICTABLE — it isn’t romantic. If she already has it on layaway or has been dropping hints for the past 6 months, you should probably go ahead and buy it for her. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled — but that doesn’t make it romantic. If, however, you follow-up the predictable gift with something she didn’t see coming, she’ll start bragging about you on Facebook and her friends will start saying things like, “He’s so roMANtic…!” Try it and see for yourself.
4. If it’s PLAGIARIZED — it might be romantic, but I’m going to downgrade it to Romantic Light (kind of like MGD 64 – it’s a watered-down-version of the classic). It’s much better if you actually put your original thoughts into it. You may not get a job working for Hallmark but at least she’ll actually read a card you wrote from your heart.
5. If it’s ROUTINE — it isn’t romantic. Bringing flowers to your wife at lunchtime is romantic. Bringing flowers to your wife at lunchtime every day for 2 years isn’t romantic — it’s routine. [Disclaimer: In extreme circumstances, romantic gestures that become routine can once again become romantic if you maintain them for obscene periods of time. For example, if you bring your wife flowers every day for 40 years, that might be considered romantic BUT you only get ONE big romance point for it - not 14,600 little ones. Sorry, that's just the way it works.]
Well, that should get you started. If you suddenly feel like Forrest Gump on prom night & you don’t have a clue where to begin, please allow me to give you one final piece of advice: Ask your wife what she thinks. As soon as she regains consciousness, I’m sure she’ll be happy to tell you what she thinks is romantic.
And for the record, her advice trumps mine.
